


Build Me Up From Bones / Take Me Back

by walkthatlonesomevalley



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lesbians, Sex, mountain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 18:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11834079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthatlonesomevalley/pseuds/walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: After the restrictions are lifted and the ghost river triangle is no longer a strong hold that keeps the demons in, Waverly and Nicole set off on a mountain trek to hunt a specific demon all on their own.





	Build Me Up From Bones / Take Me Back

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly angst and confessions and apologies. There's a little bit of sex and a whole lot of lovey talk. It's pretty complete but if people like it I'll probably write more. We shall see.

*While writing this I listened to a lot of Sarah Jarosz and Up the Wolves & So Desperate by The Mountain Goats and O My Heart by Mount Eerie, Julie Doiron & Fred Squire*

 

Build Me Up From Bones / Take Me Back

 

After the boundary was broken we were bombarded with redflags. Once the revenants were let off their leashes, most of them fled Purgatory, leaving a random unusual spike of easily trackable supernatural activity in cities near and far. Who knew the Ghost-River Triangle had actually been a godsend?

“You okay, baby?”

“What- uh- yeah,” I shrugged it off. I didn’t like being away from home. My strength waned and I felt tired more than I should.

“Here, maybe you should sit,” Nicole said. Nicole and I were on the hunt for another low-level revenant while Wynonna handled something a lot bigger back at home.

“No,” I fought, tugging my hand back and continuing on our uphill trek. We’d lost the trail hours ago. We were supposed to lose the trail. But I didn’t like not knowing if we were really doing this right. In fact, I hated it actually. Since I felt lightheaded and weak and more unremarkably human than I wanted to feel, I turned sour inside, wrongfully unleashing my anger onto her.

“Baby, come on,” Nicole whined adorably.

I turned back to give her a mean stare but part of me was so addicted to her perfect fucking voice. It made it hard to hide the smile that wished to rise up right out of my anger and show it’s face. 

“Don’t baby me,” I warned. Though I did really like when she called me baby and treated me overly kind.

“Ya know, it might not even be the Ghost River Triangle thing,” Nicole posed.

She was carrying way too much stuff since I could barely manage to carry myself. I hated feeling useless. I’d left her with my pack and my water ontop of her own. Every step made me feel a little heavier.

“The elevation here is a lot higher than you’re used to,” Nicole laughed. She wasn’t taking it seriously. Why was I?

There was a nice rock to my right. I sighed and finally gave in and sat down. “Maybe you’re right,” I said.

Soon as I sat though, I took a deep breath in and felt the dizziness multiply.

“Whoa, baby, hey,” I heard Nicole say. When she moved toward me I saw her movement in splintered flashes.

My head had fallen back. Body heavy. I had no control.

I blacked out.

When I came to, Nicole was holding me and shaking my face a little. “Baby? Hey, Baby, wake-up?”

“Wha, uh-” I tried to shoo her hand away but I hadn’t the strength.

My throat was dry and I felt instant wetness puddling under my nose.

“Oh shit,” I heard Nicole say. She led me down to the ground to sit my back against the large rock. Then she stood up and pulled her shirt off, balling it up and pressing it softly against my nose.

“Wha-” I tried to speak but my head wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Shhhh,” Nicole said. “It’s just a bloody nose. Altitude,” she explained again. Always the first to try and calm me, she and I both knew this hadn’t been the first place outside the Ghost River Triangle where I felt unwell. And the altitude where we were last time was a stone's throw from sea level. “Maybe I should call your sister.”

“No!” I huffed out, easily speaking again. I pushed to get up but Nicole steadied me and looked me straight in the eye.

“Hey. You’re not moving right now,” she ordered. “Look, I know you want to be strong and prove this isn’t some connection to the revenants or Bobo or something like that- but Waves- you- blacking out- isn’t okay.”

She looked a little scared but more serious than anything else. And I guess she had a point.

“Here,” she said, lifting her shirt back up to push it against my bloody nose again and steady my hand ontop of it. “This, uh. This spot is fine,” she decided, standing up nervously and looking around.

My eyes followed her, noticing how sexy she looked in just her sports bra and her workout pants. She moved to the side of me and began to unpack our tent from her bag. It’d be our first time using it. 

“I haven’t slept in a tent since Champ,” I confessed.

“Oh?” She asked, pausing a second and then looking over at me with a little concern. Whenever I talked about him she was always scared of what I might say. I couldn’t tell where that came from. I did complain about him a lot but it wasn’t like there were loads and loads of horror stories. Okay, well... not that many. 

“He ah… He liked to go to this spot by the river. It was always romantic,” I shrugged.

“Huh,” Nicole nodded, taking the information in but giving nothing away. 

“Do you camp a lot?” I wondered.

“Me? Oh, no,” she laughed, eyes closing as she smiled and her head shook back and forth. The question calmed her. She started to lay out the pieces to the tent and assemble them. “I wasn’t even in the girl scouts,” Nicole smiled. “People always assume that, because I’m a cop I was probably a girl scout but…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.

“Yea,” I laughed, imagining Nicole as a small girl. “I wish we knew each other then.”

“I do too,” she said, swallowing and looking up at me gently. 

“Well, anyway,” I laughed and looked out at the trees where we were. We’d made a lot of headway but we still had a ways to go. The longer we sat the better I started to feel- though, a little cold. We were supposed to have made it a lot farther today. “Champ was all about showing me he could provide,” I smiled.

“Yea, never would’ve guessed that,” Nicole lied. Wynonna was always quick to make caveman comparisons but Nicole wasn’t like that, she was very p.c.

“Hunting, fishing.. making fire, well. Sort of. He always cheated at the fire bit.”

“You can make a fire,” Nicole looked over at me, beaming. I saw the love in her eyes, the adoration. 

“I can,” I nodded, trying to contain my smile too. Something in the way she said it made me think she was talking about other things.

I think the blood stopped. I pushed up on my nose and sniffed the dry air through my pained nostril before looking over at her again.

Talking had never been our strong suit. I hated that I didn’t know what she was thinking. It drove me insane, made me say and do stupid things. My mind raced on.

Right now she was at work on that tent and so diligent. How was I to know if she even really wanted to talk to me about this?

“Can I ask you something?” I wondered.

“Of course,” she scoffed a small laugh but her eyes were still on the thin poles she was fixing through looped fabric. 

“Does it upset you? When I talk about him?”

“What? No,” she said, looking up at me and exploring my expression for more answers. “I mean, he’s not my favorite person, obviously. But I want to know your life. The things you think about.”

She sniffed the air and I noticed that she was still a little breathless from carrying all our stuff up the backside of the mountain all on her own. 

I could never tell if my words hurt her or not. She was so good at pretending to always be calm.

“What is it?” She asked, feeling that my body language hadn’t changed. I’d been just staring at her consistently in the silence. I hadn’t realized until it was too late.

“You make me nervous sometimes,” I said, feeling on edge.

“Baby, why?” She laughed sweetly, standing up to come over to me and see me a lot closer. “Here, move up,” she said, motioning for me to scoot out a little so she could slip in behind me and hold my body as she leaned back against the rock.

I moved and tried not to feel totally vulnerable. Nicole’s arms and legs came in around me and all at once I felt so completely held. It was so gentle and right. It was nothing you could explain to anyone and have it make sense. When Champ held me it was always a little awkward and he smothered me. Nicole could touch me everywhere but in such a way that I always wanted a little bit more and I was starting to think she couldn’t smother me, she wasn’t capable. I’d always crave her more. How weird is that?

“Hey, what’s going on,” she whispered, sniffing the smell of my hair as she held me tight around the waist and rest her chin upon my shoulder. 

“I don’t want to talk about things you don’t want to talk about,” I said.

“You didn’t do that,” she said calmly. “Tell me more,” she asked. “I camped a little before coming out here to Purgatory, but that’s it. Did you like camping? Do you miss it?”

I laughed to myself, overcome with the warmth of her body against mine. She’d sweat and the sweat was cool on her skin but I could smell it and it was delicious, not like Champ’s. Nothing about Nicole could disturb me or gross me out. That was another thing that never made sense.

“We haven’t done enough,” I said, realizing it. 

“Kinda busy, I guess,” Nicole whispered, kissing my shoulder and then the side of my neck. 

“I should be better to you,” I said.

“You’re… Waves,” she sighed. Then she squeezed me extra tight in frustration and I felt her joy come back into her again. “I love you,” she whispered. “You couldn’t be better if you tried.”

“You always talk about taking these trips,” I shrugged vulnerably. “Having alone time, like this,” my vocal chords were tight. I wasn’t good at these really real conversations. My body was honestly trying to fight me communicating with her and I hated that. “Going on vacation together. Even short drives.”

“This is nice,” Nicole soothed, already too happy with just the little time that I had given her. “I’ve never seen you up here.” She rocked me a little in her arms and moved her head back so she could rest awhile too. I felt one of her arms move across my collarbone as her opposite hand came and pushed my head back to get me to lay back onto her more. Her lips kissed down on the back of my head so sweetly. 

“Do you know why I like Purgatory?” She wondered.

“What? No,” I laughed. The change in topic startled me. Did anyone really like Purgatory?

“Well, there are the obvious reasons. Affordable housing,” she teased. “Waverly Earp and her demon friends.”

“Hey,” I warned, tugging my hands on her arm. My sore spots were really sore right now. I trusted Nicole way more than I trusted anyone else. What she said about my town and my family could make or break me; it could tear me up.

“No, I- I’d never gotten to sleep somewhere where there was actual quiet like that, ya know?”

It was already starting to get dark. A few moments ago I’d heard birds chirping and there was the on and off sound of crickets in the trees. Pretty soon there’d be stars. I wanted that. 

“Even in the mornings sometimes, I’ll walk outside and get in my patrol car, roll my window down. I can drive through town and hear nothing. No horns. No .. No other cars. No yelling,” I loved her voice… 

“Sounds eerie,” I realized.

“It’s Purgatory,” Nicole shrugged. There was no darkness attached to it. Fondness, yes, but no darkness. I felt her nose and face nuzzle into the side of my head as her arm let up and fell down to leave me free. 

I sniffed a little before turning to see her. 

“Was Purgatory a punishment for you,” I wondered, watching her face as I asked. 

“Uh-” she laughed, looking up at the sky and then back down at me. “Purgatory was in need of a highly educated female candidate,” Nicole explained. She pushed her hand into my hair and started to massage my scalp a little. My eyes lulled and I let out a small moan. “I got a bonus, ya know.”

“You did?” I asked, slowly opening my eyes to look up at her. 

“Oh yea,” she boasted. “And then I got another bonus,” she swallowed. Her gaze traveled down over my neck and my body. After a second she looked back up at me and her eyes softened. She was talking about me. “Best decision of my life,” she stated openly. 

“Baby,” I said, feeling it too hard right now since I was already exhausted. Nicole had been through so much because of me.

“It’s true,” she said, leaning in and kissing my forehead as I clung to hug her again. 

Nicole liked all the things about me I tried to hide from other people. And she saw me. She didn’t make me up like Champ or my friends did. Didn’t simplify me to just being some cute or sweet all-american girl.

“You’re so special, Waverly.”

When she said these things I could feel that she truly believed them. 

My chest hurt in trying to believe in myself as much as she or Wynonna did. 

“Hey,” Nicole soothed, realizing I was kind of emotional right now. “Shhhh,” she said, trying to comfort me and make me feel loved. 

“I’ve been keeping something from you,” I said, unable to hold it back anymore. Her sweetness had actually brought me to tears out of guilt. Like a dam waiting on a reservoir to be full. I was finally overfilling and then breaking.

Her body stiffened for a second but then it relaxed again. “Tell me,” she asked.

“When-When I was mad at you, the DNA thing, after you…” I tried to make myself tell but I couldn’t. The thought of her almost dying had disrupted everything in my brain.

“It’s okay,” Nicole soothed, pushing me to confess. 

“I did something stupid. It didn't mean anything but I've been keeping it from you out of fear… since I haven't been the best in the past- and- I-I love how we are.”

“Just tell me baby,” Nicole sighed, worried. “Rip the bandaid off.” She hated it, when I made her wait.

I thought about talking. Nicole was quiet. If we were back in Purgatory this would be the second Wynonna would choose to interrupt us and walk in the door.

“That night I was mad,” I said. “Well. I was upset- and I was confused- and I was SO mad at you that... I-I I got drunk and kissed Rosita in a hottub.”

Nicole made a surprised noise that was close to a gasp, perhaps the sound of her breath being momentarily taken away by my surprise betrayal. She breathed in deep and then spoke. “Kay,” she said, taking the information in and trying not to overreact.

It was good, I mean. She was still holding me.

But then her hands stopped stroking my hair and I felt her move to stand.

“Wha-ah- please don’t go,” I begged, nervous she might leave me.

“Baby, I’m not,” she said, holding my hands and shaking her head. “I’m just gonna set up the tent. You’re getting cold.”

It was almost like I hadn’t confessed. Almost.

So much time had passed since that kiss with Rosita. So much time had passed that I almost thought it unnecessary to even divulge this crap thing I did but something about how perfect she was, it was breaking in me. I couldn’t let her shower me with love when I disregarded her feelings and did something even I didn’t understand.

We were all normal together now, all friends. Rosita had done so much for me AND Nicole. She was part of the team. 

I stood and then sat on the large rock. My body was turned toward Nicole and I watched her. 

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” I spoke sadly.

“It’s fine,” she said, going about the tent-building business. In a few moments more the whole thing would be set up and she’d be onto making fire and getting me to eat. I knew Nicole. She’d want to have all her ducks in a row. It wasn’t like Champ. It wasn’t a pride born from being the only one who could do something. Nicole liked to know I was safe. It was different. If I wouldn’t take care of myself she would take care of me, that was all.

“I-I was stupid,” I shrugged. “It didn't mean anything. It wasn't like you.”

“You don’t have to explain it baby,” Nicole said, stretching her body to crawl over the length of the tent and secure a final part before getting it to pop up. There was some anger in her but it wasn’t much. More than anything she was a little despondent and gone from me now.

“What? Of- of course I do? I- I cheated on you-” Of course I had to explain.

“Shhhh,” Nicole said. She’d been avoiding looking at me and I craved her eyes on my skin. 

“I hate when you don’t look at me,” I said, frustrated.

Nicole made a sad sound and stood up. She turned away from me a moment and rubbed her hand on her face. I couldn’t tell what she was doing. 

When she turned around again she looked right at me.

I could see though, that whole time she must’ve been trying not to cry.

“Happy?” she shrugged, sad that she had to show me. Her face was now streaked with tears. She’d been trying to keep it from me but of course I had fucked that up too.

“Shit,” I said, hurting inside. 

“Waves, you just told me something heavy, okay? I just need some time.”

“Okay,” I said, beaten a little by my own stupid actions. I got up to try and help her.

“No,” she said simply, voice cracking a bit. “I can do it.” Nicole wasn’t the type to quietly weep. At least, I’d never seen it. Not about me. Not because I had hurt her. Not like this.

“Okay,” I said, knowing she probably didn’t want to hear my voice right now. 

I hugged my stomach and tried not to make any sounds. The sky had already stopped it’s beautiful color change. The darkness was coming. Alone out here, we really should feel just like bait. We’d been through so much though. Scared about Revenants was the last thing I was.

There were worse things that could happen. Nicole could not love me anymore…

Her shoes crunched on the dirt and small rocks. Once she got the tent set up she moved it a little and used a small tool she brought to make the foundation smooth before putting it back and throwing our stuff inside. 

She’d been so methodical and so quiet. She was so good at hiding things. Of course, it all made me a bit scared. 

“I’m gonna set up the shower,” she said. “That’ll make us feel better.”

I nodded to myself and watched her, knowing it would barely help. Tears probably hung in my eyes too but I didn’t deserve to feel similar. I’d caused this- this time. A tear would fall and I’d wipe it away. Shame was what I felt. I knew I hurt her.

I don’t know how long I watched her do her quiet duty dance but it felt like a long time. When the shower was done she pulled some of my clothes out of the bag with my small toiletry pouch. “Here, you can go first,” she said, still not looking at me. 

I took the things from her and walked carefully to the makeshift shower she’d set up. My muscles were sore and I’d been on and off weeping. 

I left my clothes outside, slipped inside the curtain and let the water drop. I had dirt all over and a few places that burned from new cuts I’d gotten in being stubborn and trying to pretend I wasn’t weak.

I heard Nicole’s voice and hated that I couldn’t make out what she was saying. The more I thought about it though the more I knew she’d probably just called Wynonna to let her know we were still alive and not yet to the remote cabin where our revenant Jamie was waiting us out.

I cried a little more, knowing it wasn’t fair of me to feel so bad when I’d caused this pain for both of us. 

When I stopped the water all I wanted was to sit down. I pulled the curtain back, defeated, but Nicole was there with an open towel, waiting. Her arms stretched wide and she welcomed me into a soft cozy hug. 

“There ya go,” she whispered in my ear, rubbing the towel all over with her hands to try and stop the wetness and get me dry. It was intimate and gentle. She only ever had this sort of touch with me, the touch of a lover.

Why was she being so nice?

“You should get warm,” she said. “It'll only get colder from here on out and you know how you get when you can't get warm.”

I didn't care about freezing.

“I'll be okay,” I said, hating that I couldn't just apologize and apologize and apologize. She always kept me from doing that.

“Okay,” she laughed lightly. “I'll just be a sec.”

Everything was so dark now. I walked in bare feet, my legs dripping with shower remains all the way to the tent.

The sand was thick, more like pebbles.

When I got to the tent I sat down inside and kept my feet out. Last thing I wanted was to contaminate our little sanctuary. 

My dirty socks were nearby so I used them to fight with the dirt on my feet. I got most of it off before realizing it was too cold to be so fixated on being clean as crystal in the complete outdoors.

I panted and crawled inside the tent, letting the doorguard fall just incase a stray revenant wandered by, not that a small sheet of fabric would do anything to protect me at all.

Nicole had unzipped one of our sleeping bags and laid it out flat to cover the bottom of the tent.

I laid back on her pillow and let my eyes close. I could feel her in everything here. The perfect placement of the pillow and the way her things were placed off to the side because she wanted to make the most room just for me.

I stretched my arms out and rubbed the soft fabric.

Maybe one day Nicole and I would have zero secrets. Somehow we'd both made messes repeatedly, lying and keeping things from each other.

The rustle of the tent flap made me stiffen.

“Oh,” Nicole’s voice relaxed me. I knew she wasn't too impressed with me right now but the fact that she was talking to me at all cheered me up. “Baby,” she chuckled. “Come on, you've gotta get dressed. It gets really cold out here.”

“I can't move,” I confessed. The ground beneath me felt right.

“Can't or won't?” She asked, scooting in next to me and laying onto her side.

I took a deep breath in and rolled over, moving until I was on my back and I could look up at her face. 

She stared down at me openly. I could see the serious trouble in her expression. I reached up and touched her face with my hand.

She shut her eyes and pulled my hand carefully down.

“Why are you being nice to me,” I asked.

“Uh, might have a little something to do with the way I feel about you,” she smiled sadly.

“I promise it didn't mean anything,” I said.

“You were mad at me,” Nicole remembered. She took a deep breath in and shook her head.

“I'm.. Not the best with my emotions.”

“Waverly- that's an understatement,” Nicole scoffed, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about her solid faith in my mixed signals. “Who else did you kiss?” She asked, obviously not sure if I was hiding something else.

“No one,” I said, putting her fears to bed. 

“And did you sleep with anyone?” It wasn’t an accusation but it was a question I hadn’t planned on getting from her now or ever.

“What?” My voice nearly disappeared. I never thought that she could think that I would. “No,” I said, hurt by the assumption. “I-I wouldn’t…” My voice wandered off.

“Is there anything else you've been keeping from me?”

I took a deep breath in and shook my head as I let the breath out. Of course she’d be thinking about it, going over all the other things I might not tell but I might just do.

I shut my eyes and held my head with my hand. But then I felt Nicole’s hand rubbing my stomach. “Are you hungry?” She asked. 

I shrugged.

“Hey, look at me.”

I swallowed uncomfortably and let my eyes open despite my better judgement.

“I love you,” she said, searching me cautiously.

I touched a hand to her face and pulled her down to kiss me. Comfort from her could change everything in me, patch me up and heal me inside. 

She kissed me a little but then she pulled back and touched my face before moving to get up and change.

Emotions were sore. It made sense she couldn't just dive into physical intimacy after all I'd just said.

I moved a little, watching her throw a thick sweater on and some sweats and her shoes.

I moved to find my clothes but she stopped me.

“I'm gonna make dinner,” she said, fetching a little pill bottle from her bag with her free hand. “I want you to stay in here and rest. Take these, get warm.”

“I can help,” I said.

“But I want you to rest,” she said, concerned about me and seeing if maybe, given everything, I’d obey.

When she could tell that I was going to do what she said she pulled me in and kissed me again, this time a lot deeper. I could feel her wanting to speak to me through touching. It was like she was saying: I will always love you so don’t worry but you know I need some time.

I wanted more than that and I tried for it but she stopped me from getting too worked up. “I'll be back,” she said softly, pushing herself out of the tent with her big bag and a flashlight.

Nicole had pulled an extra sweater out of her bag and left it for me all folded up where she had sat. I picked it up and shed my towel to put it on. It was soft and dark green and oversized. The perfect thing to wear on a cold night like tonight.

While she was out I text Wynonna a lot. She had nothing but words of comfort for me. I missed her too much. 

When Nicole finally came back she brought soup she’d heated up in a pot for us both to share.

“We can play music if you want,” she said.

I shook my head. “I like this.” The quiet was preferable. I preferred to only be thinking about what she was thinking and what was in her head, although music was calming and it could help us here. I just didn’t want to drown out our own secret noise.

I squeezed her free hand in my own. 

“Aren't your legs cold?” she asked, lifting a warm hand up and setting it down on my thigh. My muscle twitched, the heat from the pot must've transferred over to her palm.

“Not my legs,” I said. “Maybe my feet.”

“Oh no,” she laughed. She moved to her bag and found some thick socks. “I can't tell you I didn't prepare for this,” she explained.

I was drinking the warm soup and I felt Nicole slide a sock on one of my feet and then the next.

“Did you bring me up here just to take care of me?”

“Maybe,” she blushed. Her hands rubbed my feet one by one, then she reached into her bag and pulled out a thermos.

“What's that,” I asked, throwing my head back a little. 

“Here,” she said, handing it to me. She came over next to me and started to eat the soup while I unscrewed the top of the thermos and smelled that it was wine.

“Mmm,” I said. Tasting it. After that I leaned back on my hand and stared over at her while she ate. “No girl scouts,” I said, remembering the thing she had said to me..

“Tell me more about camping,” Nicole said. She wasn't looking at me but she listened.

“I never got to go when dad and…”

“Oh,” Nicole let out. She swallowed and looked up at me apologetically.

“Story of my life right?” I laughed and drank more wine. “Daddy… Willa.. Wynonna… they'd all go out into the woods. And then I wouldn't see them for days.”

“I'm sorry baby…”

“Sometimes I thought, maybe they did that to get away from me.”

“Waves…” Nicole said. She put the soup pot down and pushed it away from herself.

“People are always escaping me.”

“I'm not,” Nicole said.

It didn't mean I wasn't worried about the day that she might.

“I know,” I said, softening.

“But you think I might,” Nicole said, watching me.

I shrugged awkwardly. Words wouldn’t come.

“Did something happen today?” Nicole asked, a little confused. “Something… To make you… I dunno, scared?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. I was thinking back.

All we did today was go on a long drive and then a very long hike. Lake Tahoe was fantastic. I’d never seen a lake so big in person. I forced Nicole to pull over as soon as we got up over the mountain. She found a nice road leading up to some expensive lodge. There was a lookout space and we parked and got out to stare at the lake.

I smiled, thinking about how it felt to stand there on that cliff with her and stare out at such an amazing and real thing. 

“What is it, baby?” Nicole asked, worried about me. 

“I,” I shook my head back and forth and tried to make words without feeling stupid. “I really love you, Nicole. Like. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, never wanted anyone…”

It was similar to how I felt about Wynonna but so much different. Wynonna was a piece of me, ingrained. Nicole… Nicole could leave me and that made it so much scarier.

“Hey, I know that,” Nicole said, putting her arm around me so I’d feel okay hugging her. “I know,” she said sweetly. 

“Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time?” I asked, shakily. 

“I do,” Nicole laughed lovingly. 

“For the longest time I was just stuck in Purgatory, waiting for Wynonna to come back, waiting for something to click and then all of a sudden Wynonna came back and everything started to move so fast.”

“Baby, hey,” Nicole soothed. I was getting emotional. “Hey, we're okay,” she pet me.

“Sometimes I just want it all to stop,” I said without thinking.

Nicole stiffened for a second but then I felt her kiss my hair and start petting me again.

She didn't speak, she just soothed me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“Uh, I'm thinking I like being alone with you on the side of a mountain,” Nicole said.

The soup was probably cold now. I wasn't hungry anyway. My body was all kinds of messed up.

“Can we sleep,” I squeaked.

“Of course sweetie,” Nicole said. She moved to take the pot outside.

I heard her pour the rest of the soup out into a bush or a hole. When she came back she took her shoes off. My sleeping bag was rolled up next to her. She undid the tie and unzipped it to spread it out on top of us.

I rolled onto my side, facing away from her. I didn't want her to feel like she had to comfort me after what I'd confessed. But then I felt her body smooth up behind mine, her arm coming around and holding me as she rest her nose inside my hair.

My whole life I had to struggle to try and belong but when Nicole held me I finally knew the word home.

“Are you okay,” Nicole asked. Perhaps it was the tightness in my own chest. Perhaps she could feel it.

I turned around in her arms to face her and put my hand on her cheek before pushing forward and kissing her passionately.

Nicole was usually extra gentle with me but I could feel her sadness in her kiss and I pushed into her to try and prove something.

Outside was still crickets and darkness. I rolled on top of Nicole and straddled her, pulling the oversized sweater up over my head and letting my wet hair tumble down and be the only thing that could cover me.

I leaned down on my hands, kissing Nicole as I hovered over her naked. “I need you,” I whispered.

It wasn't about just now. I needed her always. Having her know that was so entirely crucial to me.

She stared up at me, balancing her feelings. On the one hand, I turned her on and she wanted me, she felt bad for me. On the other, what I’d said to her before hadn’t been the easiest thing to digest or to hear. 

I leaned down and kissed her neck, pressing against her collarbone with my other hand. “I’m sorry,” I whispered sadly, trying to get her to touch me like I needed it again.

“Baby,” she whined. I felt my body being turned and she held me as she laid me down on my back on the other side of her, stopping me from touching her like I was. 

“Please forgive me,” I said, reaching for her eyes with my own. I knew this was about my mistake. I fucked up. I knew I fucked up. I couldn’t even blame her for not wanting me right now but I needed her wanting me. “I need you to.”

She huffed an exhausted breath out. “I will eventually,” she said, laying on her back and staring up at the top of the tent.

“I can’t sleep then,” I said, staring too. “We should’ve kept walking.”

“Waverly?!” Nicole laughed. She sat up and brought her knees up as she did it so she could hug them and look down on me. “I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here,” she smiled.

“You’re not,” I said, grumpily. 

“You’d really rather I accept your apology when I didn’t mean it?”

“No, I didn’t say that,” I sat up, thinking about what Wynonna would say about all this.

“You know you don’t have to love me, right?” Nicole asked. That smile from before had somehow faded and she was watching me carefully.

I sat up and crossed my legs as I faced her. “What are you talking about?” I wondered, reaching a hand up to her face and stroking her cheek. When I touched her she seemed soft, still hurt, maybe craving it or not believing that I meant it. I don’t know. “Why would you say that,” I wondered, worried about us. That question lit a fire of panic in me.

“You- you do things to make other people happy. It’s… It’s what you do and.. I-I love you and I’m in love with you but I’d never want you to just be in this because you knew I wanted it as much as I do.”

I took a deep breath in and nodded my head. After that I couldn’t really take it any more. I moved to my bag and found my shoes and put them on.

“What are you doing?” Nicole asked, worried. 

“I need some air,” I said. 

“Baby, it’s cold out there. You need pants at least.” I threw my sweater back on and ignored her.

“I’ll be fine,” I said, slipping my shoes on and unzipping the tent to go out.

I burst through the safety and felt the cold air hit me hard. 

“I can make you hot chocolate,” she said, coming out after me.

“Baby, stop,” I whined, pushing her hand off of me.

“Oh… Right,” she said, defeated. She had looked down at the hand she’d placed on me and I saw the shame in her. “Control freak,” she nodded to herself and started to turn around.

“Fuck,” I said, turning around quickly and grabbing her hand. “Shit- Nicole…” I sighed. “I never should’ve said that. You’re not- That’s not- I was just reaching,” I shrugged, looking up at her. “There was nothing I could say about you that was negative. I love everything.”

She took a deep breath in and nodded a little, eyes filling with moisture. Close to tears but fending them off. She let out her breath and looked up at the sky. “Wow,” she said, face changing.

“What?” I asked, but when my eyes followed upward I could see why she said it. It was so dark out here but the stars were surreal… “Oh…”

“Been a long time since I’ve seen the milky way,” she said sweetly. She laughed to herself and sniffed before looking down on me.

“Why else did you come to Purgatory?” I wondered.

“Why?” She laughed. “Oh Waves…” she sighed. “Why does anyone move to a small town in the middle of nothing?”

“You were running?” I asked. I’d been expecting it but I’d never been brave enough to just come right out and ask.

“They offered me a lot of money, Waverly. A better title. More responsibility than I was allowed to have. I was literally at the bottom of the chain in California. I wanted to make detective and I never would’ve done it there. I’d have begged and begged and been a lapdog for decades before seeing anything good. Other girls warned me, older ones who started like me, all eager and motivated. They’d been used, Waves. Passed over for promotion, time and time again because of the unofficial boys club rules. I didn’t want that for myself. Where I was, cops weren’t scarce at all, and all the guys were stronger and louder. Even some of the girls,” she shrugged. 

“Oh,” I said, thinking of her dealing with all that.

“But it wasn’t just that,” Nicole said. “Living in the town where you grew up? Even in the city… You can’t exactly cut ties and start a new life and forget. I wanted to see what it was like, to live somewhere new, start again. Find a new place where rounding a corner wasn’t like russian roulette. In Purgatory I don’t have to avoid places or be scared of bumping into some of the people who made my life bad or made my life hell.”

“Nicole…” 

All this time, she’d kept so much in. 

“I know what it’s like Waverly. Trying hard to be accepted by people. Why do you think I wanted to get you out of Purgatory so badly? Even for just a weekend? Put you in a place like this where nobody else was around?”

“I-I didn’t know,” I shrugged. The stars had lost their appeal. All the things she had me thinking weighed on my mind so much that my vision had traveled all the way down to the ground.

Her fingers found the underside of my chin and lifted my face up. “Wynonna never deserved what happened to her,” Nicole said. “And neither did you.”

“What? What do you mean,” I shrugged awkwardly. 

“When I met you, you were still reaching for the approval of bad people.”

“Well,” I laughed bitterly. “That’s how it works in small towns. Either you’re in or you’re out. It’s not like I had my family to fall back on. My dad never loved me and Wynonna might’ve but she was mainly gone or taking care of herself, until now.”

“I know,” Nicole said, pulling me in to hug her tight.

My own arms hung loose. This talk was too real and confusing. I didn’t usually allow myself to have talks like this. 

I breathed her in and felt her body with my hands. Her sweater was soft like mine and she had sweats on which was a lot smarter. It made me angry though. I wanted to feel her and I still hesitated at times to take what I wanted, especially when I’d upset her and given her reason to find me as not so great.

“Can we talk about what you said earlier?” I wondered.

She took a breath in through her nose and rocked me a little. “Of course,” she said.

“You really think I could just decide to love you like that? Just because you wanted me to?”

“I don’t know Waverly.” The way she said it sort of startled me. It wasn’t like she was over the thought but she said it in a way that meant: maybe…

“I shouldn’t get mad at you for thinking that but.. It’s pretty upsetting.”

“I know,” she said sadly. Which only meant she didn’t like thinking it.

We were both pretty quiet for a while.

“I… Look- I know, I’m not the greatest person,” Nicole said, squeaking a little as she tried to explain. She was trying to say something but that was all she got out before she was crying again.

“What? Baby,” I said, looking up at her and holding her face with my hand. “You are though.”

She shook her head back and forth and fought back tears. “We fight, Waves.”

“Yeah, and it’s both of us,” I pushed. “This isn’t just you.”

“You could be happier,” she said, finally breaking a little. A tear rushed down her cheek and I pushed it off with my thumb, leaning up on my toes and kissing her hard. 

“That. Is bullshit,” I whispered, clutching her hand tight in mine. “I’m not happy but that’s not because of you.”

“Baby…” She cried, sad for me. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, kissing her harder. This time she swayed a little and let me do it. I could feel that she needed it just as much as I did. “My life’s a fucking mess and I’ve dragged you into it because I want you and I need this.”

She gasped a little and leaned back from me to try and breathe. 

“Don’t think it’s you,” I said. “It’s not. You’re the reason I can actually feel good sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Shhh,” I said, pulling her down with a hand at her neck and kissing her harder. 

Her hands came down on my back and I led one of them down to my ass to get her to hold me closer to her. 

She scoot back in the dirt. I felt her hands lift me up as her body moved back and she sat down on the large rock where I’d fallen before. 

The surface was cool but this way I could climb up on her and touch her a lot better. She gasped in my mouth, arms hugging me around my waist as I felt my sex tighten. Both my hands found her neck, thumbs tracing her jawline and keeping her with me.

No one could make me feel like she did. No one ever made me feel like this.

“Do you even know what you do for me?” I gasped. “I’ve never felt this,” I explained, kissing her. 

She whined in my mouth, still overwhelmed from all the things we both said. 

“I love you,” I said, kissing her desperately. 

One of her hands came up my back and lost itself in my hair, holding me to encourage me to kiss her without end. My heart leapt, happy. I’d finally won. 

“Fuck,” I whined, sex clenching. I was trying not to feel her as strongly as I already did.

“You’re cold,” she said sweetly, rubbing her other hand up my thigh from my knee and showing me that she was warmer still.

My entire body shook. It wasn’t the cold though. I needed her touching me.

“Fix me then,” I whispered. I led her hand up my leg and pushed until her fingers relented and got lost inside my wet sex.

“Oh god,” she gasped.

Nicole was so good with me. I’d never felt the way I did when she touched me, only with her. 

I held her tight and moaned in her ear. 

Ontop of the mountain, if I screamed in pleasure, she’d be the only one who could hear me. 

“Shit,” I said, perching up on her higher. I braced myself with a hand on her shoulder and felt as she obliged me and slipped two of her fingers inside my wanting sex. 

“Oh, god,” she said again, probably watching me this time.

I let out a breath and looked down. “Don’t stop,” I panted, satisfaction coming over me.

“Okay,” she smiled back, watching me respond to her and build up to something in the dark, in the night. “Oh god, you’re so hot,” she barely made out as she stared up at me and worked herself inside of me carefully.

I cried out in the night, more pleased than I’d been in a long long time.

“Shit, are you okay?” The more she played and built me up, the louder I’d become, so much so that she actually got worried.

“Don’t stop!” I said, reaching for her wrist and forcing her to keep her fingers deep inside of me.

Champ always had to try a lot. A lot of times it was uncomfortable. Most of the time I was just making sure that he was feeling pleased. This was so much different than that. This was all about me, from the start to the end. I wasn’t used to this pleasure. Nicole was way too good at this shit.

Once I’d touched her she got back to pleasing me. I rode her hand a little, whining out and trying my best to breathe but having a hard time.

If you’d asked me days ago what I’d like to be doing over the weekend, straddling my baby on a rock at the top of an abandoned mountain would actually sound pretty fucking nice.

I rode her hard, feeling as she brought me so close that I actually couldn’t breathe.

Her own breath mimicked mine. She was probably staring and I got off on that, knowing it and loving it and wishing I had the strength to open my eyes but when she fucked me she fucked me speechless and motionless. I felt the pressure building up like a cannon about to blow. 

I moved down ontop of her one more time and this time she went even deeper, my whole body tensed as I gasped. When my body came down on her again I cried out in the night. 

Nicole held me and tried to be careful as I rocked my way through an orgasm and finally got to a place where I wasn’t obsessively mad with the need for her to be fucking me again.

“Shit,” I let out, lips close to her ear as my whole body collapsed ontop of hers and she moved out of me and rubbed her wet hand on my thigh.

“Feel better?” She asked, panting too and possibly worried.

“So much,” I panted, overwhelmed by how good she was to me. My legs were cold but inside I felt cared for and held.

I hugged her tight with my arms and let myself pant close to her ear and hold her for myself.

Her arms came around me, lovingly. I felt her paced breathing, she was trying to match me and help me settle. 

“I’d be so sad if you left me,” she confessed.

“No,” I squeaked, pulling back from her shoulder and kissing her neck and her face. “I wouldn’t,” I whispered. “I promise.” I hadn’t begun this just to watch us crash and then burn and then end.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, holding her even tighter with the all of me here.

If she couldn’t understand or forgive me now I’d understand it. And if it took an entire life of me showing her I’d take that time because I needed her to know that I loved her too much. 

She held me and panted. “It’s okay,” she said, feeling me everywhere and trying to help me to calm down. 

Tomorrow it’d be hot again and we’d be walking and I might be upset about my weak body and this curse on me that wasn’t my fault.

“It isn’t okay. But I’ll fix it,” I said. 

“You don’t owe me baby,” she sighed, hair falling down over my face.

“I wanna owe you,” I explained. If it didn’t make sense to her it couldn’t. She was the one person who actually deserved to keep me this way. 

“That’s confusing,” she laughed.

“Shhhh,” I smiled. “Just let me love you, okay?”

“Okay,” she laughed lightly, unsure of what it all meant. In a second I’d be ready to slide down her body and take her pants off. I so wanted to taste her right now.

She tugged on my lip as I forced my tongue inside her mouth deeper and took from her easily, showing her how much I wanted to taste her inside. 

“Careful,” she warned. 

“What are you gonna do, arrest me?” I teased.

“Nah, I don’t like those games,” she teased back. 

“Yeah, sometimes I wish you would,” I laughed, smiling down on her and kissing her more gentle. “This is nice though,” I shrugged.

“Just nice?” She smiled.

“Mmhmm,” I nodded. “Just nice.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“Whoa!” I exclaimed. She had quickly grabbed me with her hands and stood up to take me back inside the tent. 

“Just nice,” she laughed. “God, you’re such a jerk sometimes,” she baited, moving me inside and laying me all careful right onto my back. 

I was about to say something and fight back but she’d pushed her fingers inside me again and this time she had all the leverage in the world. My eyes rolled back inside my head and my back arched as I instantly groaned.

It was perfect. She knew too well, exactly what I liked and exactly what it was that I needed. 

I gasped out a breath and felt as she pushed inside me again. 

My panting sped. 

Hours later I’d be able to talk to her. This was her way of showing me that I’d sleep no matter what tonight. Nicole wouldn’t have me uncared for, that wouldn’t stand.

I clutched at her sleeping bag and soon found myself overcome with the pleasure and the heat.

Quivering legs and twitching muscles in my arms and neck. I was used to a work out but this was insane. Nicole always found ways to get me to feel in places that hadn’t felt maybe ever.

And when I came I cried out, toes curling as my even my feet got warm and started to tingle.

“Shhhhhh,” she said, coming in to hover over me and lay down. “That’s my good girl,” she soothed, kissing my cheek and making out with my neck. 

Cold sweat drenched my body. Wetness puddled between my legs. 

If I could speak I’d tell her she was way too good. But words always alluded me after our sex.

“I love your body,” she whispered, kissing her way down before rolling off of me and onto her back.

I stayed, trying to heal myself. 

After a while I rolled onto my side and hugged her with my arm and my leg. There was no explaining how good she was or how different from everything else I had known. 

In the morning, maybe I’d be able to talk about it.

In the morning I’d probably be awkward again. Happy but awkward.

“Stop thinking,” she cooed. 

I wanted to return the favor but all my muscles hurt and the urge to sleep was so powerful I could feel it coming over me like a heavy wave.

“Night baby,” she said, kissing my forehead and holding me close.

“I love you,” I said.

“Love you too,” she whispered, petting me slower. I felt her heart beating under mine. Her soft skin warm and perfect beneath my chest.

She kissed my forehead again and rest beneath me, calming me still.

Relief and then darkness. Soon as I knew I was loved my eyes closed and sleep took me away.

In the morning I woke to an empty tent and the smell of food cooking outside on a fire. 

I changed into a dress and crawled out to meet her. 

“It’s early,” I said, coming up behind her and hugging myself.

“Oh, babe, it’s still cold. Lets get you a sweater,” she stood, turning and ushering me back to the tent.

“Hey,” I said, pushing my hand out and stopping her. 

“What?” She looked down on me nervous. 

I touched her face with my hand and kissed her deep, tongue slipping inside just to taste her a bit. The first kiss of the day was usually the one that made me the most nervous. But then it would happen and I’d sink into it and feel that comfort I forgot about. It was warm inside and perfect. The absolute best thing. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” I said, realizing. This place was the closest to a vacation that we’d ever get. 

“It’s okay,” Nicole smiled, frazzled by me. “You needed help. Of course I’d come.”

“Hey, stop,” I said, pulling her back to face me again. “We never get to be alone like this and I really love it.” A huge part of me knew that with her I was always too real and too serious.

“I love it too,” she said, realizing I was trying to talk to her in my own sort of dire way. 

“Can we talk when we get back?”

“Uh-oh,” Nicole said, trying to read what I was going to say.

“No,” I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s nothing dark like that. I just. We should live together,” I nodded.

“Yeah?” Nicole asked, stepping back a little, probably because she never thought I’d say such a thing.

“Yeah,” I said, stepping forward to be closer to her. “Look, I know Wynonna’s intrusive but she deserves a family and so do you.”

“Waves,” she laughed. “I don’t need you to babysit me, it’s fine.”

“It’s not about that,” I said, keeping with my serious face. “I hate when you go home and I hate not sleeping with you.”

“Oh,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat and pushing the hair behind her ear on the right side of her head. 

“If-if you don’t want to move in with me I get it,” I shrugged sadly.

“No,” she said, stepping forward. “No, I do,” she said. “I just- didn’t think you wanted to.”

“I’ve wanted to,” I said defensively, looking up at her all ready to defend myself. 

“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” she softened.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, baby. Of course,” she shrugged, rolling her eyes a little and then holding my shoulders with both of her hands. “Are you sure?”

“Mhmm,” I nodded a bit feverishly. 

There’d be logistics to figure out and I’d have to make a stand with Wynonna, explain to her how much I needed Nicole in my space if we were really going to grow. 

“I’m so happy,” she smiled, hugging me. 

I held her tight. “Me too,” I said. 

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“A long time.”

It was really true.

The dna stuff had thrown a wrench in things but Nicole and I had spent way too many nights sneaking in or out of each other’s houses, I hated it. It made everything feel more flighty and less permanent. 

“When I… found out you were married, I … I just thought I was so stupid. I mean. Of course you were taken, right?”

“Waves?” Nicole looked down on me worried.

“Yeah, I know. I know it’s not real real. I know it was just an accident but- you were dying and - she knew so much about you and I didn’t. She knew you were allergic to certain medications- I mean. I could’ve killed you on accident- despite putting my life on the line to get you back.”

“Baby, stop thinking that stuff.”

“I know. But I can’t,” I said, remembering it all. “We never get enough time and I want enough time.”

“Okay,” she said. “We’ll make time.”

“Promise?”

“Of course,” she said, coming to collect me and then hug me again. 

My body was still sore and happy from the sex that we’d have. All day- all my thoughts would be preoccupied with ways I could finally return the favor once we got to that cabin and attacked that thing and I had her all alone again like I knew that I would.

“Are you feeling okay?” She wondered.

“Yeah,” I laughed, always amazed at how she could be so supportive and so caring with me. 

“Why’s that funny?” She blushed.

“You’re just really sweet, Nicole. I’m not used to it.”

“Oh,” she nodded and turned away. “Well, you’re sweet too.”

“No I’m not,” I laughed. “I’m an asshole.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” she said calmly.

“It doesn’t matter,” I laughed.

She held my body with her own and the sun was coming up now, it’d start to get warm soon.

“There’s supposed to be a small secret lake by the cabin. Did Wynonna tell you that?”

“No, she did not.” All Wynonna said was that this revenant was a big whiny baby and she wouldn’t have to worry about us.

“I’m kind of excited to swim in it with you,” Nicole said, bringing me back to the idea of the small private lake. 

“Mmmm,” I hummed. 

If it was private I’d get her to swim naked. Nicole was bashful but if you got her a little drunk she’d do almost anything. Drunk Nicole was my favorite pretty baby.

“Okay, you have to tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Secret thoughts,” I teased, staring up at her lovingly.

“That’s really not fair.”

“Mhmm,” I said, teasing her more.

“Get your stuff,” she urged. “We’ll eat breakfast and then go.”

“Yes officer,” I teased.

“You know I hate that,” she warned.

“Why do you think I do it so much?”

Fighting with her was sometimes more fun than making up. 

I got dressed for the day and cleaned the tent up so it’d be easy for the both of us to take it down.

Nicole made instant coffee and bacon and eggs. 

“This is way too good for some quick make-shift breakfast. You should open a diner.”

“Glad I impress you,” she teased.

“Shut up,” I laughed, knocking her shoulder with my hand. 

“No really, I am glad.”

We ate quietly and when my coffee was empty she filled it up again and gave me the last. 

I helped her take the tent down and when we started walking I didn’t feel as crazy as I once had. The wind in the air kept me cool and collected and all the things Nicole and I talked about helped me out.

When we reached the top of the peak it was after two hours of hiking and I just looked back at her in wonder and awe.

“You okay?” She asked, coming close to me and taking my hand. 

“Yeah,” I said, thinking I’d never find another person as great as her for a slong as I lived.

We’d walk the rest of the day. Maybe we’d swim. Maybe we’d rest.

For now I was lost in thoughts of her, lost in memories, lost in everything I knew I didn’t deserve but got anyway. 

“Please don’t cry again,” Nicole blushed. “I can see what you’re thinking.”

“Well then you know how grateful I am to have found you and to have you right now.”

She came up behind me and held me for a while. 

“Believe me, baby. I feel the exact same way about you.”

“You couldn’t,” I said.

She wanted to fight with me but she just sighed. 

“Come on, we better hurry,” she urged. 

Nightfall came quick on the mountain and if we wanted that swim we’d have to go a little bit faster on our way back down to the cabin where we planned a quick confrontation and then a long cozy night.

“Will you read to me later?” I’d chosen a book from Nicole’s house, one she said she really liked and I was curious about. 

“Sure, baby,” Nicole loved to please me and I loved when she did the things that she loved.

We paced ourselves but walked a bit faster. As the afternoon came upon us the tension between us became almost unbearable and I couldn’t wait to be done with this so I could just have her on a bed all alone.

Maybe I’d convince her to keep me another two days. If we turned off our phones we could use the chargers every now and then and keep contact and not freak anyone out.

“What are you thinking?”

“Can we stay?”

The morning after, getting rid of that revanent and thinking about the hike back up and then the long drive. We could do it in one day, as long as I didn’t get sick. 

“I don’t want to go back,” I said, getting emotional.

“Hey, okay,” she said, setting her bag down. “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I squeaked vulneraibly. “I just don’t want this time alone with you to end.”

“Oh,” she nodded, realizing it a little slow. I wish I knew why she had those slow reactions. Either she thought I was weak or she didn’t expect me to feel so strongly. I didn’t actually know.

“If- if you want to go home, we can. I guess showering in the dirt isn’t so fun and being all sweaty like this. And we don’t have clean clothes.”

“Baby, hey. No, I want to stay,” she said. “We can wash our clothes in the lake, it’s fine.”

The lake had been cleaner than anything I’d expected or seen.

“I’m just surprised,” Nicole choked out.

“What?”

“Every time you say something like this, I’m surprised,” she said. “Because I want it too. I just don’t want to trap you.”

“You wouldn’t be trapping me,” I said, stepping closer to her and licking my lips. “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than with you alone.”

“Okay,” she laughed. I could see it now, that surprised look, it was disbelief. 

“Okay,” I softened, a smile spreading over my face. “Lay the sleeping bag back out for me on the bed. I just wanna be lazy with you.”

“Yeah?” Nicole asked, getting teary now and watching me with nothing but adoration and pride.

“Yeah,” I said, making sure she really believed. 

We’d go back to Purgatory soon but for now we both needed this secret time where we could steal each other away and lick each other’s wounds. Maybe I’d get more out of her about her life and her past. And maybe she’d get more out of me too. We’d have to see.

All I knew was we deserved it. After all we’d been through recently I wasn’t about to put off showing Nicole how much she meant to me now. 

I was done putting myself aside for other people. I wanted Nicole to be with me right now and though that was selfish of me it was all I could think or do and I was settled with that finally. Everyone else I loved would forgive me. Nicole would love me more and that's all I wanted right now.


End file.
